I Defeated the Monsters All By Myself

Beating depression shouldn’t be like this.  But it is.  The battle happens in private, and is all too often fought alone.

And by the time the fight is over and the monsters are defeated, all the people who were pushed away by the battle are long gone.

What’s left after the monsters are defeated?

Me, but not the me anyone knew before.  ”When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in” (Haruki Murakami).  It’s a different me, a stronger me, a smarter me, a wiser me, a happier me.  But it’s still a different me, and they people who knew the me before have an entirely different person in front of them that no one knows anymore.

You don’t really have friends anymore after such a battle.  They can become your friends again, but they don’t really know you anymore.  Some become discouraged by that and leave.

I defeated the monsters all by myself and now I’m alone in space.

Who is here now to rejoice in the victory with me?  Who is here who know the struggle and understands the price that was paid to obtain this victory?  Who knows that there was a fight at all?

Defeating the monsters is worth it, but it’s lonely.

I defeated the monsters all by myself.

Now the battle is over and I’m alone in space.

I’ll keep moving, don’t worry.

Don’t worry about me.

I’ll keep moving and find a friend along the way.

I’ll be okay.


I’ll be better than okay.


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